


Realising All You Ever Wanted

by sarkywoman



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 03:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12998397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarkywoman/pseuds/sarkywoman
Summary: Sheriff Sherlock Hobbs becomes responsible for a lot of Dirk's firsts.





	Realising All You Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gratednutmeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gratednutmeg/gifts).



“Dirk?”

“Hmm?”

The distracted response was an affectation, of course. Todd had been giving him strange looks all day, which could only mean serious conversation was incoming and honestly Dirk was getting tired of serious. Was it really beyond the capabilities of the Universe to provide a little fun once in a while?

“What do you think of Sheriff Hobbs?”

Oh! That wasn't a serious or miserable question at all! Dirk stopped feigning deep absorption in old newspaper clippings and took in the slight frown on Todd's face.

“Well he's fantastic, isn't he? He actually wants to help us and he believed me from the start, unlike _some_ grumpy assisfriends I could mention...”

He nudged Todd's arm slightly to show that this was Banter. There was a subtle art to such things, but Dirk felt he had it mostly figured out. 

“Excuse me for not accepting time-travel and soul-swapped dogs straight off the bat,” Todd replied, but he was smiling. “I just... you seem to like him a lot. You know? I just wanted you to know that's okay. He seems cool.”

Okay, Dirk did not have this one as figured out as he thought. It was true that since arriving in Bergsberg he had taken an interest in Sheriff Hobbs, who had likewise taken some sort of interest in him, but why would... Oh. Solved it! “Todd, really, there's no need to be jealous.”

“Jealous? What?”

Dirk sighed and laid his hands on Todd's shoulders. “You're my assisfriend, occasional ward, partner in solving crime and a venturer of theories. There is no reason at all for you to be insecure. I mean, I'm not going to rush off with Sheriff Hobbs to solve crimes without you!” Though he wouldn't be entirely opposed to the idea of spending more time with the good sheriff. Perhaps alone, if no one else was able to join them. He could imagine sitting around in the station, just the two of them, chatting about old cases and hazarding theories about all of this 'find the boy' nonsense. Maybe they could have hot chocolate. Was there hot chocolate in the station?

“Earth to Dirk.”

“Hm?”

Todd shook his head, but he still wore that fond smile. “Come on, man. It's not crime-solving you wanna do with him. Pretty obvious from the 'come hither' eyes you've been giving the guy.”

“The what now?”

It was like Todd didn't believe Dirk didn't know what he was talking about. After raising his eyebrows with undeserved scepticism, Todd looked away and then back, practically batting his eyelashes like a romantic subplot person in a film. 

“I don't understand.”

“That's the look you've been giving Sheriff Hobbs.”

“It is not!”

“No? Dirk, seriously, it's cool that you're into guys, you don't need to hide anything from me. It's not like you're the first gay friend I've had.”

“I'm not... I don't...” His face felt very hot. He realised a lot of things very quickly.

“Whoa, whoa, hey.” Todd's hand took hold of his arm as if to steady him. “It's okay. You're okay. I didn't mean to... shit. You know best how you're feeling, maybe I got the wrong end of the--”

“You didn't.” Dirk swallowed against the sudden panic. “I just didn't think about it. I mean I've never really thought about it. After Blackwing, there was so much I didn't know and people are _difficult_ so I never thought about... but Hobbs isn't difficult. He's actually very...” He hesitated. “'Easy' isn't the word I'm looking for in this context, is it?”

Todd chuckled, though the worry was still a little in his eyes. “For you? Maybe he is. You're not the only one with hearts in your eyes around here.”

“So you're saying...”

Immediately Todd retracted with a shrug. “Hey man, I don't know. I'm not Cupid. You're just really obvious. Sorry.”

“Bloody hell.”

“You've really never had a relationship before?” There must have been something in the way Dirk stared him down, because Todd immediately jumped to the next, more accurate conclusion. “You've never been attracted to someone before?”

“I've fantasised, obviously. But real people never really matched up with my ideas about what they could be and I suppose I've never seen a person who makes me feel like...” He stopped, suddenly at a loss for words. “Bugger. Um... I don't know how to put it.” His hands out between them, fingers grasping at the air for words. “I just want to be around him. But not like I want to be around you. Or Farah. Different. Shit. I should have realised.”

“Hey, no.” Todd's comforting hand patted at his arm again. “You only know this stuff through experience.”

“Then I'm doomed.”

“Don't. You got this. Uh, you know, if you want to... have it. Think about it, put the Cardenas profiles aside a second and think about these feelings. And I guess remember life is short and nothing ventured, nothing gained. Also Hobbs was checking out your ass when you leant over the desk this morning to pick up that paper.”

“He checked out my _arse_?” Dirk belatedly realised that was the same tone of voice he might use to express surprise about burning down someone's house.

His best friend nodded slowly. “Yep. So blatantly I raised an eyebrow at him and he got embarrassed.”

Dirk batted Todd's arm, not hard enough to hurt. “Don't embarrass him! Let him look!” 

“Look at you,” Todd laughed. “From innocent to tease in one conversation. God help Hobbs if you do pursue him.”

“You know, I rather think I will.” Dirk nodded, proud of himself, and turned towards the main area of the station, fully intending to go and find Hobbs and... wait. He spun back to Todd in a panic. “Remind me again, how exactly _does_ one 'pursue'?”

Todd sighed. “Let's go get some food. I feel like this is going to be a long conversation.”

[] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ []

No. Not the red one. Dirk wrestled the tie from his collar and cast it aside before laying the dark blue one around his neck and looping it through to tie the knot. 

“What are you _doing_?”

“Nothing, Bart. Leave me alone.”

Perhaps he had chosen the wrong place to get ready, down by the cells. But he had seen Sherlock Hobbs out by the front with Farah talking and Dirk wasn't ready yet. He wanted to be presentable before he presented himself. This evening was not a minor thing to be trifled with.

“You've tried that tie on three times.”

“I can't decide which one is best, okay?”

The murder-muppet looked from Dirk's hands at his neck to the discarded tie on the floor. 

“The red one's best.”

“You're probably just saying that because red is the colour of blood and you're a psychopath.”

“Nah. S'bolder on you is all. Stands out. You should stand out, Dirk. You shouldn't be scared.” 

She continued eating her doughnut, like some dirty, wizened old monk hidden away somewhere dispensing pearls of wisdom amidst deathly fighting skills. 

“I'm not scared. I'm... excited. Excitedly nervous?”

“Where you going anyway?”

“On a date. With the good Sheriff Sherlock Hobbs.” He remembered who he was talking to. “A date is when two people like each other rather a lot so they decide to--”

“Ha! I know what a date is, stupid,” Bart said, laughing and licking the sugar from her fingers. 

“You do?”

“Sure. Ken took me on a date once. We ate pig.”

“Enchanting.”

Bart was silent for a while as Dirk tugged the blue tie away from his throat and groaned. He relented and picked up the red tie again, brushing the dust off of it. Once it was neatly tied around his throat he looked over himself. He was too nervous to dart back to the full-length mirror in the evidence locker in case he saw Sherlock on the way. 

“Wait,” Bart piped up. “Have you _not_ been on a date before?”

Dirk sniffed in what he hoped was a suitably haughty manner. “I have very high standards.” He wasn't sure that was even a lie. After all, he hadn't even wanted anyone until he met the absolute most perfect man.

“HA!” Bart slapped a hand to her thigh. “You're funny. I'm glad we're friends, Dirk.”

“If it means you don't kill me, then so am I.”

“Ugh, I won't kill you, already. Let it go.”

He was about to retort when Sherlock called out, “Dirk? You back there?”

“Just a minute!”

Oh god. Oh god. Minty breath, Farah had said. Dirk breathed into his hand and sniffed, yes, still minty. His hair, how was his hair? A little patting of his head assured him it was all in place. Was he wearing shoes? Yes. Belt? Yes. God, what did people check when they were heading out on a date?

A hand on his arm startled him and he almost screamed.

“It's just me,” Bart said, not at all fazed by his panic. 

“How did you get out?” The cell was still intact.

She shrugged. “Doesn't matter. You gotta relax, okay? If you're going somewhere with this guy you must like him.”

“I really do.”

“Okay, same goes for him. So if you both like each other, it'll be fun. Right?”

“Well... I suppose so.”

With a nod, Bart let go of his arm and leaned back against the bars of her vacated cell. “So go have a date. Eat a pig. Kill someone or, you know, whatever it is you do instead.”

“We'll probably have a nice conversation.”

“Sure, whatever. Let me know how it goes.”

“Really?” He never would have imagined she was taking this 'friend' stuff seriously.

“Yeah. I'm not really killing anymore, but if he hurts you, I can. Remember that.”

He wasn't sure how long he stood there, moved and speechless, before Sherlock called his name again.

“Coming!” He paused before leaving the cell room. “Thanks, Bart.”

“Don't sweat it.”

And true to his word, he returned to see her on a high from his wonderful, excellent date, with a little take-out box of dessert.

[] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] 

The first time he woke up that morning, it was to Sherlock's gentle kisses. And apologies, something about a disturbance in town and he really didn't want to go and... Dirk just kissed him some more. The words weren't terribly important. Their bare skin still brushed in places under the covers, reminding him of the perfect night with all its delightful intimacy. He wanted it again and he felt rather like if he just kept kissing Sherlock, the man would understand that.

Certainly there was a groan into the kiss and a slight shift of the hips... but then he was pulling away.

“Aw honey, you've no idea how much I want to stay in this bed.” Even sitting back and apart, Sherlock couldn't stop himself from stroking a warm palm over Dirk's hip. “You're so beautiful and last night was... it was...”

“Perfect.”

“Yeah.” Sherlock beamed at him. “It was that. But Tina's nowhere to be found and there's a call...”

“It's okay.”

“You sure? I know last night was our first... well. I don't want you to think I'm running out.”

Dirk felt languid and comfortable and _peaceful_ in a way the Universe didn't usually allow (ignoring the very, very occasional experiment with recreational drugs). He pushed himself up and kissed Sherlock again, savouring the almost broken sound it elicited as their tongues stroked together.

Then he lay back down, feeling a giddy little thrill at some of the unexpected twinges in his body left over from their exertions the night before. “Is it...” A yawn interrupted him. “...dangerous?”

“Nah, but Mr Gill is pretty worked-up. Break-in at his shop. Probably local hooligans again. I just gotta get the statement then I'll look into it. You go back to sleep.”

“Mmkay.” He didn't feel he had much of a say in it really. His eyelids hadn't really stopped being heavy since Sherlock woke him. And the bed was warm and smelled of Sherlock and there was a soft kiss on his forehead...

The second time he woke up he felt a little more like a real person who moved in the real world. He was alone, which was a minor irritation. More cuddles would have been appreciated. 

But! There was always time for more cuddles! Because Dirk had a _boyfriend_! Who checked out his arse and took him on dates and took him to bed and educated him in absolutely _fantastic_ ways. 

It made him a little aroused just to remember it, to be frank. 

He lay around musing on it until the urge had died down, remembering how sweet Sherlock had been. Dirk had needed to insist he was ready before Sherlock would do so much as put a hand down his trousers, but once they had got there... wow. Todd had said it was usually a 'third date rule', but Dirk and Sherlock had been on five whole dates and that was apart from the time they spent with one another that bore more of a work focus or involved their friends. Still, it had been very much worth the wait. Dirk had never felt... well. _That_. There weren't really words to describe it. 

He found himself at a loss now, though. It didn't feel like the sort of thing that should have ended. It felt weird to contemplate going back to the case, to Todd and Farah, to the diner and to the Universe, as if his whole world hadn't just been put into some sort of perfect order.

“Okay Dirk, calm down,” he muttered to himself as he slowly clambered out of the lovely bed they had shared. “It's just sex, people have sex all the time. Normal people. You are a normal person man who has had perfectly normal sex.” And would do again! Surely! The thought froze him in the middle of pulling on his pants. He could very well end up having sex with Sheriff Sherlock Hobbs most nights! 

Luckily the bed was still near enough for him to sit down and process this. Could the Universe really be this kind to him? It was probably delightful Chance running wild, fated to collide with Predestination in some sort of horrible catastrophe.

But until then... Dirk had a boyfriend. 

A noise in the main part of the station made him snap out of his stupor and pull on a shirt. It was one of Sherlock's shirts actually, a little baggy on him. He pulled on a pair of socks to spare his feet from the cold floor. The little stay-over room at the station wasn't exactly a luxury suite and Sherlock had apologised for it last night before Dirk kissed him senseless. They hadn't really planned how it happened, Dirk simply hadn't wanted to wait another moment. 

Dirk wandered out in socked feet to see Tina fishing around in the desk for something and tried to quash his disappointment. She glanced up around the same time and cried out with surprise before clapping a hand to her chest. “Fuck, Dirk, no sneaking.” Then she looked him up and down. “Oh hey, you stayed here with Hobbs last night?”

“Yes, thought I'd keep him company on duty.”

Her smile was really very wide. “Uh huh. That's very charitable of you.”

“Not at all, he's always wonderful company. We're dating, you know.”

“Oh sure, I know. I think everyone in Bergsberg knows. You two ain't subtle. It's cute. Speaking of cute,” she walked closer and reached out a pointing finger, “you got a little hickie... here.” She poked near his collarbone.

“Ow!” Dirk batted her hand away. “Well I'm not surprised. The sheriff was thoroughly amorous. I couldn't ask for a better...” He hesitated, not sure how much information was appropriate.

“Fuck?”

“No!”

“Boyfriend?”

“First. I couldn't ask for a better introduction to... all that.”

Tina blinked. “Your first fuck? Ever?”

Dirk folded his arms. “Rude.”

“Right, right, sorry. That wasn't... cool. I'm just kinda surprised, I mean, you're cute!”

“There are lots of reasons people wait, Deputy Tevetino.”

“Yeah, totally, I'm not Judgey McJudger. Just...” Her big smile bloomed over her face again. “You must _really_ like Hobbs.”

“Of course. He's literally the loveliest person I've ever met.”

She flailed excitedly. “Right?! I am so fucking psyched for you right now! Like, he's my best bud and I've always wanted someone to see how cool he is and you just... fall out of a car in a tree from a government facility like some sort of young adult novel protagonist and you're like the only thing he talks about since we met you. I was gearing myself up to give you the talk, you know, 'don't break his heart or I'll break your face', but you know what? I don't even need to do that.”

“You really don't.”

They stood in silence for a little while, just grinning at one another. Then she frowned. “Wait, where's he at?”

“Some sort of disturbance downtown to attend to. Mr Gill? I think? Maybe it was Bill.”

“And he left you?”

“It's his job.”

“He left you? Curled up in his blankets, wearing his shirt and that itty-bitty underwear?”

“My underwear isn't itty-bitty and I wasn't wearing his shirt at the time and again, it's his job to handle the crime of Bergsberg. Especially when his Deputy is late.”

“Okay, yeah, my bad, but still.” Tina groaned. “Now I have to kick _his_ ass. Can't believe he left you the morning after! Bad Hobbs!”

When Sherlock returned mere minutes after that conversation, Tina barely let him put breakfast down on the table before she was at him, insisting he get back in that room immediately and let her man the station for the morning.

“Well, it is your shift, Tina, so... okay, okay!” He flinched from her punch to his arm. “I'm going! So you don't want a pastry?”

She snatched one from the bag and ushered him away, sending him back to Dirk's arms for some overdue sleepy cuddles.

And, okay, a _little_ repeat of the night before.

[] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] 

“Dirk? What happened?”

He hadn't heard Farah come into the evidence locker. No surprise really, she moved like a ninja. Did her feet even touch the ground? He looked over where she leaned against the doorway, her arms folded. Yes, feet firm on the floor.

“Nothing, it's fine.”

“It doesn't look fine.”

Of course she would take him wiping tears from his eyes with his sleeve as a sign of distress. Typical worrying Farah. 

“Everything is okay.”

“That's what Hobbs said. He's clearly got something on his mind though.”

“I'm sure I don't know what.”

It wasn't easy to avoid her steady gaze, but after catching enough of a glimpse to be aware of it, Dirk kept his own eyes on the floor. After a few moments Farah moved and pulled the door shut to give them a little more privacy. Then she lowered herself into a crouch in front of him.

“Listen, Dirk. I appreciate that our friendship doesn't have the same... intensity of your friendship with Todd, but I am here for you. And it's important to me that you know that.”

“I know that.”

“Also that you know that I can incapacitate anyone who lays a hand on you if you don't want them to. Do you understand?”

That got Dirk to meet her eyes. “Uh... you've lost me now, I'm afraid.”

“If Hobbs has hurt you--”

“No! Oh, goodness, no. He wouldn't. I mean, this is just... silly. I don't even know why I'm crying really. I'm not crying, in fact.”

“Okay, well what happened? Something's upset you.”

“It was just a silly conversation about the Universe and the interconnectedness of all things. I don't think Sherlock's part of the pattern. My pattern. The path that I'm on.”

“You broke up with him?” 

“What?! No!”

“Sorry, I just thought that sounded like the kind of talk that ends relationships. When you don't see someone else in your future and...” Farah trailed off awkwardly. “Ignore me, I don't have a lot more experience than you in this area really.”

“Wait, is that what it sounds like? Really?” Dirk ran through the conversation again with that perspective in mind. “ _Ohhhh_. Shit. That makes so much more sense.” He slapped a hand to his forehead. “I'm a total idiot sometimes.” He threw his arms around Farah. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome?”

He left her sitting in the evidence locker and rushed off to explain the whole sorry miscommunication to his boyfriend, who honestly looked more grumpy than he had throughout the entire bizarre Wendimoor situation. It cleared up though, as Dirk explained that he hadn't been wanting Hobbs out of his life. Quite the opposite, he was terrified that the Universe would take him away.

“But overall I handled this conversation badly I think and I'm surprised at how upset it made me when I thought you were mad at me. I got all weepy about it, which isn't like me. Much. But I think I hurt you too with my snappishness when you were snappy and it was all a mess. Probably my fault, but I'm sure Farah will incapacitate me if I ask her to on your behalf.”

By that point Sherlock looked a little overwhelmed, but he shook his head and pulled Dirk into a hug. “Why would I ever want that? I just want you with me as long as you wanna be.”

“Oh, that's forever,” Dirk explained.

Sherlock squeezed him a little tighter.

Clearly Dirk was a natural at navigating relationship problems. It was the only conclusion to draw.

[] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] /\ [] 

“...but I guess it's always been that way around Bergsberg. Funny the things you get used to. You don't even notice until you're explaining it to someone from outta town.”

Sherlock ruffled Dirk's hair with the hand of the arm that held him close. It was a warm night and they had parked at the side of the road to look up at the stars. They sat on the car, Dirk curled up against his warmth, just listening to him talk. 

“Like me,” he smiled up at him.

“Just like you, darlin'. I can't imagine someone more out of town than you.”

“Why do I get the feeling that's also a metaphor for something?”

Sherlock chuckled. “You're pretty out there, baby. You must have realised that.”

“Well, being raised in a government facility should give me a little leeway.”

“It does, yeah.” A little kiss was pressed to his head and Dirk closed his eyes. He could actually sleep there like that. It was weird, he often felt like he could sleep wherever Sherlock was. Like despite the machinations of the Universe the man would protect him somehow. It was irrational, he knew, but he couldn't shake the idea. He didn't want to. 

“You're the first, you know. I mean, you know, obviously, in some respects, but...” Dirk huffed. Started again. “I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. That probably doesn't seem like much, given my lack of... you know, experience and—”

His chin was tilted up gently and then he was being kissed. Afterwards, noses still touching, Sherlock said, “it seems like everything to me, Dirk. I mean, you're the only person I've ever been in love with.”

“Really?!” His heart pounded in his chest.

“Yeah, you're the first.” Sherlock hugged him close again. “Kinda hope you're the only.”

“Same. For... everything.” 

Sure enough, Sherlock was the first and only person to fall asleep with Dirk on top of a police car under the stars.


End file.
